enriched and hydrogenated

the return of the comeback...

2010-10-02T11:44:00.002+08:00

while i am passing a few emails here and now...trying to clean up my clutter thingies, i notice that i did and still do have a blog space that i should have been taking care of..

it has been quite sometime since i last posted. although i don't think that there are a lot of people reading this, actually they're just a handful, i think its safe to say that i still need to maintain it..

so nag babalik ako..

i'm thinking of normal post lang muna...masyadong i don't know ung ibang mga post ko nun..so lets change a few things..:)

christmas and new year

2008-12-23T01:10:00.003+08:00

its fast approaching...
.....more peeps to remember and more things to do before it ends..
.......ties that was broken where reminisce..
.......decisions altered and that which persist..
.......i did not wish to go back anyway but i have always thought of what could have been...

pero seryoso..naisip ko nalang..march nanaman at well tatanda naman ako ng isang taon..
haayyy...HAPPY HOLIDAYS nalang sa lahat..

festering

2008-06-23T19:27:00.003+08:00

echo's bouncing around are the only things that she's hearing..

standing in the verge of happiness only to rekindle sadness
she's looking into things..
chasing minds to oblivion, gazing with moon kissed eyes..
chances should come when light is night
and everything else are made w/ in sight...

walking...
only to soon be running
running..
only to soon be sobbing,
what has happened with today?
we only believe in those dreams hoping they will come true
sighing every now and then just to keep on breathing...
chasing minds to oblivion, free flowing sadness..
chances should be kept with in reach and sight
just to make it through the night..

don't let go..don't look behind..
just believe and look forward on the dying light..

hold your hands into a prayer then just believe..
chasing minds to oblivion, the festering light in the night
chances are made not fated
you just gotta look inside..

a story

2008-04-15T19:11:00.002+08:00

there is man standing at the side of the road
gazing upwards towards the sky.

the sky is pouring like crazy but the old man
doesn't seem to notice it...

a girl holding an umbrella is about to pass
the same road with the old man beside it.
as she is walking, she notice another man walking.

the other man is walking on the opposite direction.
the other man passes the old man first.
the other man looks at the old man, nods his head and walks his way.
the old man looked at the man that just passed by and smiled
then looked again upward towards the sky.

the girl that notice the exchange goes up to the old man.
the girl looks at the old man then hands her umbrella to him.

the old man looked the girl, smiled, gave his thanks,
gets the umbrella and walks away.

the girl then takes the place of the old man on the side walk,
and then looks up at the sky.

thoughts:
the rain is the only thing for her right now.
standing outside is cold but she stands still
for the rain is the only thing that connects this earth
to the eternal sky...

dreaming:
standing still, outside the rain
there is no problem outside
she can wait.
because she's thinking if she's standing there still
maybe another one will pass by, to offer her a smile
and an umbrella to get by..

pantomime

2008-04-05T10:17:00.006+08:00

In my fantasy I’m a pantomime
I’ll just move my hands and everyone sees what I mean
Words are too messy
And it’s way past time
To hand in my mouth

Paint my face white and try to
Reinvent the sea
One wave at a time
Speak without my voice and see the world by candlelight

I ain’t afraid to let it out
I’m unafraid to take that fall
But I have found beyond all doubt
We say more by saying nothing at all

In my fantasy no such thing as time
Minutes bleed into days
Avant garde art
Show me your heresy
And I’ll show you mine
We only speak in pantomimes on this carpet ride

I ain’t afraid to let it out
I’m unafraid to take that fall
But I have found beyond all doubt
We say more by saying nothing at all

In my fantasy you look good entwined
In my hair and skin and spit and sweat and spilled red wine
You’re my deep secret
I’m your pantomime
I’ll just move my hands
I promise you’ll see what I mean

--i'm generally and utterly confused...honestly what is happening
now in my life is something i have never dreamed of entirely
and i dunno what to do anymore..
i can't choose that person...
i simply cannot even if it kills me, it is for reasons that
i can't even discuss here but i sure wish to god that
this should not be happening to me right now.
i mean this situation but alas,
mine eyes and ears might deceive me but not my heart and mind.

i do want to be a pantomime..
listening to this song helps and sucks at the same time..
i'm thinking...
if i be a pantomime, will it be easier or will i be maimed much faster??

xps

2008-03-24T08:20:00.007+08:00

i've been working w/ dell as a technician

(this is the first time that i'm going to talk
here on my blog about my work..)

i'm supporting what we call the CTS support.
basically its support for the regular dell computers..

we cater support for portables and desktops.

but lately things have change...

last march 18 dell launched the xps support to us.

yes folks..! you have read it right..!
XPS..!!
the XPS comuters are one of the many computers out there
that are really on the "high end" basis..one of a kind.
and our site's been promoted
now we're preparing to support this computers..!

"hooray for me!"
or so i thought...

***sigh***

dont get me wrong ok..
i'm still working with dell and i didnt lost
my job..i'll also be on training next week for the XPS..

so why am i sighing here??

because its going to be tougher and harder
and in all honestly i'm not still that familiar with
CTS now were shifting to XPS..i'm just a bit afraid
to mess things up..

but i cant do no nothing anyway..
i'll just cross my fingers and wait for it to fire away..
some of my friends are already supporting xps
anyway and they told me its pretty much the same anyway.
the basics are the same..so nothing to worry..

well i hope..

white

2007-11-20T18:21:00.000+08:00

i suddenly just caught myself gripping the
arm set of the chair where i sat, as i gaze
out ward on the night sky.

my knuckles are white..

i was again thinking..

i'm sitting outside in our balcony when my
best friend (for those of you who know jean and
arik and are wondering, i have three best friends)came.
mai is carrying a paper bag and is waving
her out stretched hand to get my attention.
she stopped by on her way home (even though
is out of the way really) after
church to see me. apparently she has a favor
to ask of me.

we knew each other since i help her back then with a
crazy classmate in kindergarten.
we're stuck with each other ever since.

she asked me about some computer stuff and then
we talked about her working in this well known
hospital in the metro and how it starts to affect
her life and health. as i listen to mai ramble, i drawn
on me how our lives differ now. i mean sure where the
same as before, i mean she being mai and me being me,
but the fact that our lives have made a huge turn didn't
escape me.

for once i envied her. i mean its like her life
is mapped out for her and my life is just still
one hell of a crazy ride.

i mean she has her life plan and works to become
a doctor (she planning on studying still and be a
pathologist). i mean she has a concrete plan and
all where as me, i'm still stuck at being me.

i am working hard to get away but it doesn't seem to
work that way for me. like a fly stuck in honey.

then it got me thinking too about my other best friend
jean and how he's doing out there (he migrated to the
states last year). he's working hard on his own thinking
about his family and how he's starting to accomplish his
goals in life little by little. in a years time, what
surprise he would have become..?

*sigh*

"you know best you're dwelling and wallowing so much
its no wonder you're still like that"

he often said that too me..
and it really bites at me..

because its real..

on my stand now, i can't walk beside them anymore.
i feel like i don't deserve them, not that they feel
that way on me. its more on my part..

*sigh*

i don't really know what is happening to me now..

there's too much angst in my life, i can't feel no other
thing anymore..

i want to be somebody too..
someone they can be proud of just as much
i am proud of them..

i think i am breaking..
and i don't how to piece my self together anymore..

freak

2007-11-08T18:36:00.000+08:00

lately i've been catching my self staring glassed
eyed on almost anything..
my computer screen,
the walls of my room,
my feet..

everything..

dazed..

i've been laking sleep this days not because
i'm deprived of it but because i've seemed to
dulled or more like eradicate it from my senses,
my routine,
my system,
my being..
its like my body forgot that it needed to sleep.
sure, i am still closing my eyes at night and
feeling my whole body gone lax but my mind,
it doesn't seem like its resting.

it just goes on

thinking

and thinking

and thinking

and thinking...

my eyes snaps open (because it doesn't really feel
like waking up at all) every morning like clock work
just as the clock on my bed side is about to point
at 6 and lie (or whatever you can call that because
its definitely not sleeping) at night
(or more like morning again) just as it turns to 2.
i have bags now under my eyes
twice the size of thumbs and still i can't sleep.

my problems and fears are finally catching up on me.

it's funny how much i've given advice to countless of
people about smiling and shrugging of problems and
yet i can't seem to apply it to my self.
its like i've made a shell within the shell of my self
and i can't break it.

a mile thick barrier.

i've lost count on the hundreds of times on which
i have kept on thinking that all of this "things"
will eventually work out and i'd soon just find my self
laughing it of to nothing but a fleeting memory.

as it stands now, i can't see it coming soon.

i'm really tired.
i don't know what to do.

wait..!

on second thought, i do know what to do
i just don't know how to really do it
and where to start.

god i need help
bad..

on the rate that i was going right now
i doubt i can still pass as a sane person.
say, if the me before met the me now;
the me before would definitely not believe that this
is what she'd become. she'd definitely label me a freak,
turn about face and run as fast as she could on the
opposite direction (or maybe she'll run left or
right but absolutely not on the path on which the me now
came from) and that's saying something since the me
before is positively not normal to begin with by
human normal standards.

*sigh*

i am ranting, am i?

i mean,

*sigh*

i feel like a complete failure right now.

am i experiencing a normal human feeling right now?
or have i been infected with something else
that's not on this plane???

i doubt this is something normal.

hell i can even bet on it.

*sigh*

i wanna stop.

shed

2007-10-07T07:09:00.000+08:00

i can't remember when i last gazed at it..

the eternal sky..

come to think of it, i never really looked at it at all..

when i was a kid, i have this notion that beyond the sky
is the land of heaven, so i really wanted to fly..
i wanted to fly even if its just on an airplane
anything just to take me closer to the sky.
after sometime i forgot all about my childish dream.

i have ridden a number of commercial planes,
and have seated near the window countless of times
but i don't remember gazing out of it. even now,
i don't seem that i can really describe it. the sky.

yesterday, i was walking from an errand that my
mother asked of me when it started to rain.
my house is still a few blocks away so i took shelter
at a nearby shed.

i dunno what happened but the steady down pour
reminded me of that dream. i reached my hand out
and felt the rain on the tip on my fingers
as i looked at it a bit dazed. i was the only
one standing in that lone street, not a moving
life in sight; all i can see are those looming houses
and the pouring rain.

it occurred to me then that i have never really
"seen" the rain too and how it resembles a miracle more
than anything; for the rain connects the earth from
the eternal sky.

i have thought then how beautiful it seems
and it got me to look again to the sky.
my breath got stuck in my throat as i look up.
it's like i'm in a time still movie of my life.
i felt my body transform my self to that
naive girl that once have the dream of flying.
i was once again looking at the sky.

the feeling of lightheartedness and the feeling
of hope and dreams..

when did i stop feeling this way?

i was mesmerized.

i felt i've spent an entire life time at that moment
when it could have lasted but just a few minutes.

as i looked down at my hand, i felt my self grow
once more. i'm once again my self today.

i was saddened.

i have never felt this cold in my entire life.

i felt like crying at that moment.

i kept on thinking how much i have changed and
how much of this changes in me i have never really
needed or wanted.

as i was walking back to our house i thought of how
i wanted to go back to that time and that feeling.

but i know can't.

as much as i wish for it, even that moment, i know
it cannot happen again; much as the rain ceases to pour
to but a fleeting memory of that day.

i know that i will never feel the same way.

that girl i once knew was left standing by her self
on that shed gazing up on the eternal sky waiting
again for the miracle rain.

irony and a blister...

2007-08-23T11:11:00.000+08:00

ironic isn't it..once you step inside the halls of a company
to apply for a position you'll begin to notice stuff..

i was sitting in on of the many chairs in a waiting area
inside a i-will-not-name-company when another applicant
comes in with a man or a woman or both. the applicant
stands on the side line while the man or woman she/he's with
would shake hands with the company's current employees
(usually the HR present) stating this words (well more or less)

"hello how are you?! *insert award winning grin here*
this is *insert the by stander/applicant name*
my *insert relationship*. i trust you to take care of
her/him *insert another award winner smile/grin here*."

so basically just from that you can already tell whose gonna make
it or not. it sucks but you just cant help it. so you'll just smile in resignation
all in all. even if you don't succumb right away after a minute or two
you'll eventually give in anyway.

thats life.

it sucks..

i was walking home after that contemplating how much i spent that
day. thinking i should have spent it on food or anything more worth while
rather than transportation fare but it cannot be helped anymore.

its done.

and it doesn't at all help that i was sporting a blister on my left foot
because of the shoes i'm wearing. when i got home and change, i
sat at my bed and looked at the said blister and i thought i saw it
sneer and begun to taunt me. .!

its like saying something along the lines of
"ha! see! its fruitless you should have stayed
here in the first place. *insert sinister laughter here
in a form of throbbing pain* it was never ment
for you and now you have me here. *throb*
and i'm here to remind you of it! *throb throb* "

i poked my blister then with my finger..

it hurt like hell.

i laid back on my bed and looked at the ceiling to
ask my self and anybody out there that hears what the hell
happened to my life..? i mean i thought, no scratch that,
i know my capabilities and my weakness and all the other
shit so why am i experiencing this right now?

am i really incompetent?

are my past perception of my self and my
accomplishments all a lie?

is this really happing to me???

no further use there with that blister pain

this is REALLY happening..

*sigh*

can i just sleep for a hundred years and not age?
i mean just sleep and then wake up after to find myself in a
science lab not remembering anything but sleeping soundly..?
how i wish...

broke

2007-08-08T16:51:00.000+08:00

yeah..that's my state now..

i'm broke..

i don't have even a single penny in my name and
for the love of god, sure as fire wouldn't know
what to do if something comes up..
i mean, i'm really in serious trouble..

i couldn't ask nor take the little money my parents
have. they need it more than i do. i don't know
if god/fate/destiny is punishing me now. putting me in
this kind of situation. maybe haven't been good enough?
maybe i pissed them off big time.

*sigh*

"some people don't know what they have
until they lost it.."

i always knew what i have..
i just didn't think i'd lose it.
i've been bummed..

i'm still looking for a job and really, i am really trying
but i can't seem to find even one..

*sigh*

in my situation now, i think i'll take any job offered
out there as long as it is decent. i dunno what them
employers see in me. when i sit for the final interview
for some unknown bizarre reason they always reject me.

why won't they give me a chance?! i mean i'm not a snotty
person..? i learn quickly and am very willing to learn..?
i'm not even bitter to criticisms so why not me..?

i'm tired..

i really am tired..

i'm not the kind of person that gives up easily but
anyone would tire out eventually. i am forced/back-up
in this situation that i can't comprehend into.

i have a family to feed. my parents, they don't have
anybody else to support them. all they have is me.

i can't think no more.
i want to stop but i can't.

i don't normally admit weakness.
i don't even normally ask for help
from anybody or anyone for that matter but this time,
even just for this time only, i just wanted to say
these things..

i want to breathe.
i need help.

somebody..

bland

2007-07-18T07:46:00.000+08:00

a friend once asked me "yehn? why's your blog a bit..bare?"

last april, i got my degree in information technology
and i thought with it i maybe able to get a decent job;
well at least that's what i thought, but no. Up until now
i'm still searching for a job. it's really quite hard
because there's so may of us , graduates, out there than
job opportunities. so many applicants yet so little vacancies..
i think that's just one the down side of things, philippines
being a 3rd world country and all; this is just but another problem
in the long list.

"you know more things in design than me, so why waste it? i mean
you could have a more decent blog account than this..?
why wont you redesign it..?" he asked once more.

the answer is i just don't want to. yeah it's true that i could do that
but then again this blog would be just like any other in the net.
one of the fancy blog/journal accounts and i don't want that.
i like it to reflect just like me.
i know that i should take pride in doing it, having an IT degree
and all, but i find my self reluctant to do that. i mean is it a must
just because i'm a computer person? i don't think so.

i'm plain.

that's the real me.

that's why this account is just like it is.
because this is me.

i find solace in writing here. my on little world.

i know i don't get "hits" in this site nor i get profit for it.
hell, i don't even know if anybody else reads this, well except
me and a few close friends, but the fact that i can rant here
as much as i want with out the rest of the world at my neck
brings a kind of peace on me that i know i can't find anywhere.

i feel special here somehow.

even though in reality, everybody sees me just like everyone else.

here i can just be me.
no boundaries. no anything.

bland

apply

2007-06-22T08:10:00.000+08:00

ANG HIRAP MAG APLY.....!!!

IT'S HARD TO LOOK FOR A JOB.....!!!

it's been two weeks straight since i've started looking for a job
and still to no avail..

haay..
*sigh*

i need a job..

3 quizzes and a conclusion

2007-05-16T07:38:00.000+08:00

one of my nieces is simply addicted to on line quizzes..
particularly the ones that are "not that normal" after using
my computer for quite sometime, she forced me to take a
quiz or two just for the fun of it (well i took three..why?i dunno?)
and here are the results:

How much of a geek are you?

Ooooooh, your a bit of a geek. Congrats. You destroy most people on Warcraft 3, you know a lot of Simpsons quotes and you probably watch ten tons of Anime. Nobody tells you that your not cool, because the fact is that you don't care. Who wants to be cool when you can be yourself?You would probably like this cool Vampire game: GO HERE
Take this quiz!

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What kind of vampire are you ?

You are the Lestatite Vampire. You are immortal and probably ancient and you beleive this gives you the right to pick and choose people's fates. You are confident and a born leader and other peoples rules do not apply to you. To discover your fate, live the life of a Vampire: www.life-blood.cjb.net
Take this quiz!

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What is your Vampire name?

Legardored is your Vampire name.You are one hell of an insane Vampire. Anyone who messes with you is out of their minds.To use your new Vampire name and become a Vampire, go here: www.life-blood.vze.com
Take this quiz!

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..apparently i'm a geek and one hell of a vampire..
i never thought i'd say this but its quite nice knowing that
quiz results, i mean, i am after all one of anne rice's die hard fans;
so knowing that somehow, lestat is present in my system for sometime
now is really a pleasure (it's been years since i've read her books).
well on the geek note, i don't really know any simpsons quotes but
i watch that cartoon show if that's what you're asking. i do watch loads,
or should have say "watched" loads, of anime in the past and even now.
i can even quote "quotes" from some of them, i think japanese animation
is really something to reckon with although some of them are a bit "off track"
dare i say that; but sometimes you do find rare stuff within it all..

..i'll stop blabbering now..

take a quiz sometimes, ^^,

"correct first your childish mistakes
before criticizing a kid.." - cho hakkai
*gensomaden saiyuki*

steady

2007-04-16T09:18:00.000+08:00

yesterday after the graduation pictorial
i got home and found my self yet alone..

my parents both went out again so i can't do anything
and i don't have anything to do at the moment either
so eaten by boredom i begun to randomly browse the net..

checked my mail..
update things..
idle...

then i came across a series in japanese..

the usual happened..
i watched the series..

hey i have time to kill and
i want to kill time..

the story is about four seventeen years old friends
[guys] who are all a bit good looking
and yet for some reason they are the ones with out "affairs"
going on their lives..

as all seventeens they are at their "character seeking" age..

constant peer pressure..
parental eye shadow..
sex..
stuff..

the story progressed on going about this factors..

after watching, i find their story's moral is quite simple..

that is there is no hurry on growing up..
it cannot be forced..
cannot be assumed..

everything happens at its due time no matter
where you are or who you are.

it will present it self to you.

it may took various forms and even various approaches
and no matter what you do or weather you like it or not;
if its there, its there. its only up to you how to respond to it
and how to use it for your self adding to your growth..

and sometimes those things that you think
ain't matters at all, are the most thing that matters.

you'll just wake up and realized one day that you have
grown up. so it's best just to dwell on what you are now
and be at ease with it..

after realizing the message that show conveys,
it made me think about my life too..

i'm 21 now and yet i find my life a bit "uneventful"
and often times i pray for some change that never
seemed to happen..
then i thought,

"yeah! your so right! what the hell?!? why not?"

i think what's important is that you know what's
right and what's wrong. if you're just honest enough
to your feelings, and do thing that make you feel
good and worth while then everything will work
out just fine..

i've decided..

i'll just sit back and enjoy my ride..

self

2007-04-01T05:05:00.000+08:00

"there is no privacy that cannot be penetrated...
...no secret that can't be kept in a civilized world...
...society is a master wall where everyone hides his true character,
and also reveals it by hiding.."

-ralph waldo emerson

aging

2007-03-19T00:03:00.000+08:00

this past few days i find my self thinking alot...

i'm turning 21 this week and i haven't really done much
in my life..

i sometimes wonder about other people
at the same age as me and yet making a whole
difference..

it's really getting into me and it really makes me
sad and at the same time thoughtful.

i thought, "hey..! i'll make my life worthwhile
starting on my birthday..! i promise!" but then i got
a little of beat again just thinking how to start it..?

a while back, a friend told me a that i sometimes forgot
things and i don't keep up with my promises..
more things said than done..
and it really got me coz it's kinda true..

i can change this..i have to..
so that when it comes to it, i'll have lesser things
to contemplate on and regretting about..

..how can i keep promises and do things for others
if i can't make a promise and do things for my self..?

i'll just have to do it then..

think..
change..

and maybe by the end of the day, i can find my self
smiling on the promises i've kept and the things i have done..
and laugh with that friend who pointed that out..

country style doughnuts

2007-03-06T06:19:00.000+08:00

god i just really want to tell this out..

yesterday i was out w/ my mom and dad at the mall..

my dad and i aren't it good terms lately,
(haven't spoke to him for the past week or so)
so yesterday's affair is a bit of a pain in my part..

i don't know why but we never, EVER, get along..?

anyway we we're at the mall and my mom decided to
print a couple of pictures from her hand phone. so she
asked dad to go w/ her.. seeing this as an opportunity
to fall back even for a bit, i told mom that i'll just wait
for them at the nearby coffee/doughnut shop..

and then there he was..!!!

this cute attendee..!!

he was so cute mind you and when i approached,
he shooded the girl at the counter and
flashed this "smile" at me..

(look girls, you know what i'm talking about here..
guys don't know this but we know when they send
signals to us and call me a bit of a "feel" here
but that cute guy is totally doing that..!)

he started flirting a bit and i was like "whoa!"
cute guy 12 o'clock!!! i was about to flirt back when i
notice dad looking my way..
(the photo shop is just approx.5 meters so i know)
so i glanced at him, guess what happened..

yeah!! he approached me!! i was like, at the back of my
mind, "don't don't"..!

as he was walking towards me i had this flash..
it was like the scenery started to change..every step he took,
the color from behind vanishes..
i felt like a dozen black cats suddenly jumped and
swarm past me..!
i felt the wind blow a chill and i heard the crowing of crows..

an ominous sign..!

i called upon all that is holy and good but it didn't work out..
my father continue to walk towards me, sat himself
at the nearest table and looked at the photo shop from there..!

i had no choice..
i resumed my "passive mask"..

the attendee continued to flirt for a bit but,
seeing my demeanor is like the signal we girls give to guys
when we don't want it..he waver for a bit..

i got my order and sat on the same table
(i was being civil w/ my own father)
and the guy continued to glance my way..
i averted my gaze to the other side but at the back of
my mind i'm really shouting "ahhh..!!!"

i really wanted to flirt back..
i really do..
you know, flirt in a way that doesn't give the impression
that "i'm a b****"..
i just want to give a bit of his signal back..

but i can't because it would present another
argument to my father..

haay..
*sigh*

he was so hot though..='(
i mean H-O-T-T..!

i mean really..!
(talgang talaga..!)
[hunto..!]

he was so damn cute and hot..

"ahhh!!!"
*cry*

what a waste..

incubus (by heart)

2007-03-02T19:00:00.000+08:00

there is no one out there that can beat this guys in my heart..
(wala tlga tatalo..as in..)

every time i hear their song[s]..it's like, i'm transported to an alternate world.. everything turns good, great and even peaceful and i really don't know why..?

honestly, incubus's music is like a vitamin to me mind you, i don't just idolized a single member of the band (e.g. brandon or mike, etc..) i really admire and follow them all..!

really..!
(talaga..!)
[huntoni..!]

i atleast play a song or two by them everyday
or sometimes i view my photo collection of them
and it's like..

it really makes my day you know..

i love other bands and everytype of music..
anything that stucks me and caughts my
fancy but only incubus makes me all..

you know, AHHHHHH..!!
*shouting*

is that even possible..?

when i'm down and f***ed up
or just feeling plain crap, i listen to one of their
albums [anything at all by them] and then

BAM!!!

my problems just fly by the window and
i'm back to my old self..

i really want to grow old with them..

i mean, you know, see more of them as the years goes by..?
i hope that they stay stronger together..

i remember that when they changed their bass player, i thought:

"could this be it..?"...

i was so happy that they are still here..
that they have survived that phase in their life [because they've been friends since time immemorial and i thought they'd never leave each other].

i've been a big fan since i was in my sophomore high.

back then, in our place, no body knows them that much..

i remember baffling another senior [you know years grad.
before me] that a 14 year old knows about their music
[incubus] and it didn't escape him that i was a girl..

[because in our place its really rare that a person on that

age (14) knows something about this.)

i mean the moment i first heard "pardon me"..

i knew i was "pardoned"..

i just knew..

it' s just like when i was little and my older sister used to sing
neil young's "after the gold rush" to me telling me
how she knew that he's "the" one that she'll follow forever..

it's like how i used to watch my my older cousin play his e.guitar
endlessly on his spare time and worship the band "queen"
above all else up till now..
(my cousin, by the way, ended up in a band and he's
considered one of that "seniors" in the industry
now-a-days..^^, [proud cousin here..here!^^,])

i knew..

i found "that" thing they are describing me..

*sigh*

i really love incubus..!^^,

(i don't own the logo above, as well as the

picture w/ the original bass player, dirk lance

it's own by incubusriver.cjb.net

so i acknowlede the person/persons that scanned it.

thank you very much [salamat]..)

gokusen (ang pagtutuos)

2007-02-28T19:40:00.000+08:00

(before anything else, i would like to
thank my best friend mai, for introducing
the gokusen series to me long before
i've embarked on this "anime/japanese drama"
streak and for some of the facts bellow)

i know.. i know..

this is so unlike me,
(for those of u that know me and is reading this
post right now) to have watched a drama, let alone japanese but hey..?! i'm bored plus i've nothing else to occupied my self with
these days so yeah..why not eh?^^,

i have watched that gokusen series (anime) long before
the first and second season of the live action was aired(1)
and is going to be aired(2) here in the philippines (gma network).

and i must admit
(after watching the two seasons of the live action last nov.2006)
it was quite nice, the gokusen series that is.

i am now-a-days in a "streak" as i said so earlier
of spending more time than normal on watching anime series
and comparing it to the live action versions of a japanese drama
(if it has one like gokusen).

although the 2nd season is almost at the same plot as
the 1st, it is still quite interesting, if you look at it
and entertaining, for those who "adore" those stuff
anyway, i'm straying now on the subject..sorry..

ok..

call me a "shit head" or something else but i have this
thing on "things" going "main stream". for me, when
everybody knows and everyone is talking about it,
(that thing) it kinda looses its appeal to me.

and so that is whats happening to me and this series,
since its going to be a big thing again here in the philippines
(believe me, when it's shown on a prime slot on that network,
gma, it's going to be big..they have that reputation on making
shows a big hit...^^,)

but its ok..
(i've just contradicted my self there, ain't i..??
what the ****?!?) its nice that more viewers can
enjoy it (if they do and can).

so i'm doing my "share" facts here
(actually, my niece asked of me this a long time
ago and my bestfriend too, to post this things
here and i have nothing else to do now so...).

this then goes out to those who "love", going to and
is watching this series now..

season 1:

1. nakama yukie - plays the teacher "yankumi"
- new 3d advisor and the next yakuza boss

5 main students

2. matsumoto jun - plays "shin" the ring leader
of 3d
3. oguri shun - plays "uchi"
4. waki tomohiro - plays "kuma"
5. narimiya hiroki - plays "noda"
6. ishigaki yuma - plays "minami"

7. namase katsuhisa - the vice-principal of the school,
"mr. sawatari"

season 2:

5 main students

1. kamenashi kazuya - plays "ryu"
2. akanishi jin - plays "hayato", the leader of the new 3d
3. hayami mokomichi - plays "tsuchi"
4. koike tepp ei - plays "take"
5. koide keisuke - plays "hyuuga"

trivia!!!

-yukie also plays as that ghost in the horror flick
"ring 0: birthday"
-jun is also a member of one of the most popular
boyband in japan called "arashi"
-shun also stars as "shinichi" in the real adaptation
of the anime "detective conan"
-jun refused at first to play as "domyoji" in the drama
"hana yori dango" unless shun played the role of "rui"
he's bestfriend in the drama
-waki is the only 3d student from the original drama that is again
cast in the 2nd season
-namase also plays as the vice-principal in the new
school yankumi is teaching to
-narimiya plays that "coward" guy in azumi
-shibata masashi plays as "Ookuma" in the season 2 who
is incidentally looks just like kuma's "junior" version from
season 1. he is also called "kuma" by his classmates, the
new 3d class, apparently kuma means "bear" in japanese
so basically, a "kuma" is someone who is big and well, fat.^^,
-kamenashi along with akanishi are both from the same
popular boyband called "kat-tun"
-jun goes way back along with akanishi and kamenashi as they
know each other since their pre-teens
-jun is also the "senpai" of kamenashi and akanishi in real life
as they came from the same talent agency called "johnny"
-kamenashi and akanishi's characters "ryu" and "hayato" are
direct patters of jun's "shin". if you incorporate the two in one
person you'll get the charcteristics of "shin sawada"
-kamenashi and akanishi are close friends in real life although they
had a bit of a "fall back" after the shoot of the series
-akanishi is bestfriends with yamashita tomohisa of the boyband
"NewS" w/c also stars along with kamenashi in the drama
"nobuta wo produce"
-kamenashi sang the insert song "kizuna" in the series
and has the same pinky-finger ring that he shares w/ akanishi
-kamenashi along with itoh misaki "ms. fujiyama" in season 1
plays as lovers in the drama "suppli/sappuri"
-koike along with wentz eiji who plays "yuki" from ep.6
of season 1 is from the same 2 man boyband "WaT"

whew!*sigh*

well since i'm doing this post, i might as well..
well..
do it right? i've researched the stuff above and although
i'm not a personal "fan" of this series, i give credit to those
who love it including my best and my niece who
asked me to do this.

i do hope this post(above) helps, if not someone then
anyone of you guys out there who stumbles upon this.
(if ever mai or chulai, kayo ang nag babasa nito
pls.wag na kyo mag'koment at ginawa ko na to
para sa inyo.)

**huntoni, gomenasai
"yoru yoake nai de kureta nara"

(the pics are not all mine, so i acknowledge those

who owns the pics..msg me if ever its yours so i can

acknowledge you properly)

the story

2007-02-26T09:17:00.000+08:00

i told faust this story sometime ago and i just want to post this..

i dunno why..? i just want to..

...there was this person that was so contend about life.
this person seldom goes out ( the house, to hang out, etc..)
and has very few friends. there are even a number of times that,
that person is mistaken as an autistic by others
because of this habits but despite that it's still ok.

you can even hear that person laugh from the heart
and doesn't give a f*** on what others think.
that person's existence is pretty much defined and revolves on
the four corners of their house but its ok..

until he came..

that man is a part of that person's life.
it would have been ok at first but that man
is everything that person didn't expect..

and just like that, right in front of that person,
the man crumbled and crushed that sanctuary/world that,
that person loved so and claimed it as his own..

gripped w/ sadness beyond words,
that person was driven out, admitting defeat..

the person then reflected on the amount of time that was wasted..
the time when that man has not yet arrived..

"if only i took the time to come out of my shell-like-life
and seek another world out side, then
i should still have a place to go to.." the person thought

but no. the person can't go out any more
and has nowhere else to go.

..realization dawned into being...

the person now got a grasp why some people spent more time
outside than their homely sanctuary..
why others wanted to spend a night or two
on a friends room than his own..

simple..

if you don't feel that happiness anymore than being alone
then you'll start looking for it..a place where you can feel that
happiness you once felt, if not the same, even for a bit..

that feeling of security and serenity..

..home

some people, bless them, don't loose this at all
but that's what some people turn to search for,
and some not even knowing that themselves just goes on

..and on

..and on

..some of them would just say "hey, i just like it 'outside'."
but the truth is, people don't really like it outside
because of the horrors of it, but who would admit this?
and so a person bets it all to find it..

and once you found it, everything stops there, as if all of your
life's existance is there and there alone..
that every turn, horror, disapointment
you take was all worth it and you grab hold on to it to not let go..
afraid that you'll still wake up in somebody's room,
realizing it's someone else's happiness and not yours..

and then just like before, you'll shut your self once more
realizing finaly, you're home..

it a life's worth...

..but the question is still there, will you still find it?
..will it last..?

the clash

2007-02-05T12:45:00.000+08:00

this past few days, i really don't know what i was doing..

i woke up this morning feeling a bit off beat..
i dunno? maybe its the cold morning or the ticking clock
i started thinking and i realized that i don't really know what is
going on in my life..

where am i now and where am i going..

...?

suddenly i just felt very lost..
it's like floating in this deep void and i can't see anything..

i had it all well planned before and yet that plan doesn't seem
to fit the picture anymore..

i'm missing something and i don't know what it is..?

i want to get that feeling again..

...

it's an ass..!

2007-01-17T21:57:00.000+08:00

i have filed an application for my graduation.
thinking that i have finally finished my studies
and all that.

finally it was all over..!

i was thinking that maybe i'd look for a job
or maybe i can take a few months off just to
savor my new found freedom. i was thinking that
after this there is no turning back. i'm now officially
part of the society and with it comes the duty of
making use of my "man power talents"
for our dear country (that is if i have one).

i was thinking maybe i'd treat my mom on my first pay check
give her a day off in the spa, or i should treat my friends
in a nice spot that i can't easily afford for them
given my daily allowance.

something nice.
something good.

i was asked to come by last monday (jan. 14) to
get my credits evaluation and to pass a copy of my
birth certificate and then if happened..

meteors on fire showered from the sky directed at me.
there was thunder roaring and lightning flashing
along with it. the ground break around me and
i found my self falling head long to oblivion.

the world ended.

i died.

apparently my application is on a "pending" status.
it seemed i have failed a subject. it says so on the
school registrar's files. i have to take/enroll that subject now
if i want to take part it in the april graduations..!

i didn't deserve this..!

i knew i passed that subject..!

i asked for reconsideration. a full check up on my grades.
i have lost my grade slip from that previous year, didn't give that
much importance thinking it was all saved up on school records
(as it is their job!). plus, the professor on that subject have gone mad
(mind you, he is mad before that anyway), AWOL...
right after the mid-terms, he has gone missing..

vanished.

it's not my fault, why?!? and of all the students
why me?!?

and so i waited.

two hours of sitting there felt like an eternity.
the registrar called me.

"i'm sorry miss, but we can't find it. it's seems that
his records are not here. i'm sorry you’ll just have to enroll
it and maybe if we find it, we can issue you a refund."

i was dumb founded.
i've gone numb.

i stared at her for a whole min.

i reasoned out.
she didn't listen.

i reasoned still.
she made me look stupid.

i'm still talking.
she cut me off, told me the same stuff and made me
her[them, the school] look the victims of this situation.

i've just gone tired of the exchange.

my mind left me and betrayed me.

i admitted defeat...

i end up doing just like what she said
oh, how i hate her...

...school is so not cool to me right now
(it never did anyway..)

fate

2007-01-17T09:18:00.000+08:00

" there is fate...
and it will take you there...
but once your there, it's up to you
to make it all happen..."

notables

2006-12-27T19:44:00.000+08:00

" life is not about the number
of breaths you take, but the number of
times it takes your breath away.."
- hitch

...anak ng...!wala na ata ako natututunan ah?
matapos lng tong holiday season na to
kikuwento ko lahat ng panget, maganda at adik
na ngyari sa bukay ko...busy kc..

haay...i miss blogging...

teachings

2006-12-18T20:47:00.000+08:00

" if you receive pain you can sleep,
if you inflict pain, you can't sleep..."

- ishbar proverb

...anu pipiliin mo kung sakali..? lalo na if given the choice
that you can inflict the pain and be very happy...

would you take the risk?

birthday, party

2006-11-25T18:02:00.000+08:00

my cuz.. ate nelle celebrated her birthday..

halos 1 buong taon kame di nagkita..
date kc lage ako sa kanila..wala lng..
nalaman ko na wala pading nagbago..

she definitely knows how to throw a party ever since..

she's a bassist in this band and her older brother
(kuya allan) is a guitarist..wala lang..nafafasinate
padin kc ako kahit alam ko na lageng may "live band"
pag birthday niya..may banda, may inuman, may handaan...

ganun cya mag birthday every time..astig...

morning...

kuya allan and i got up real early..i dunno y?
tulog namen pareho mga 3 hours lang..we talked..the "usual" talk
that is both normal to us and "abnormal" sa mga taong hindi kame
kilala...we watched that final fantasy movie and talked about
life again in general.. and as usual may naimpart nanaman cya
saken na bago..

"when your life is a big party..u get tend to get tired.."
i really like kuya..di nia to alam pero sa totoo lang
cya ang una ko tlgang naging "idol"..ayos tlga..!
pag kasama mu cya, lalawak ang isip mo..imposibleng hindi!
dun ko narealized na ang buhay talga ay depende lng sa persepsyon
mo..para sa knya na isang meymbro ng banda isa itong malaking
"party" kaya nagsasawa na siya..i dunno?due to age na din at experince
nalang din siguro..? naisip ko tuloy d kya isang malaking party lang
talga ang buhay? isang party na ikaw ang nag org.at nang imbita ng bisita...
nasayo kung pano ka ma'entertain at panu mu tatapusin...

(**post ko dito pic.namen..pero sa isang araw nalng d ko pa nalilipat sa pc e..^^,)

ang nakaraaan (the past)

2006-11-18T03:36:00.000+08:00

i was supposed to write here
the time when i attended the comic convention
in up diliman. but due to things that are a bit
"haay.." it posed as an inpediment. i forgot to
write it here so now i'm saying this..

"oi! um'attend ako ng komik'kon sa bahay
ng alumni. asar nga lang d ako nakapagpa'sign
ng mga komiks ko..haay..."

it was fun... that comic con. i even took some pics.
kaso tulad ng sa taas i didnt have the tym to up load
baka dagdag ku nalang sa 1 araw...

lumipas ang comic con.event...may bago na..

my cuz..ate nelle celebrated her birthday..

gravity

2006-10-27T16:48:00.000+08:00

Lost again, broken and weary
unable to find my way
tail in hand, dizzy and clearly
unable to just let this go

I am surrendering to gravity and the unknown
catch me, heal me,
lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live...

I fell again, Like a baby
Unable to stand on my own
Tail in hand, dizzy and clearly
Unable to just let this go

I am surrendering to gravity and the unknown
Catch me, heal me
Lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live...
I choose to live...
I choose to live...

Catch me, heal me
Lift me back up to the sun
Help me survive the bottom

Calm these hands before they
Snare another pill and
Drive another nail down
Another needy hole
please release me

I am surrendering to the gravity and the unknown
Catch me heal me
lift me back up to the sun
I choose to live...
I choose to live...

- sa totoo lang..d ku alam..?pero naadik na ata ako sa kantang to..along with the gaem "book worm"..

the cat

2006-10-11T16:18:00.000+08:00

i'm back at "the world" at last..

i got sick and also whacked by that previous typhoon that rocked the city.

i never got the chance to do this..update..

instead i read some books..

i've just finished this book by gaiman again.
it's actually a book for children but i read it still never the less and it bothered me..

look..

i've read a number of other books by various authors
books that is far more complex and disturbing than this book in every way
but i just can't explain it. this book disturbed me.. really disturbed me...

after reading that night, i can't sleep. i kept thinking that
somebody would pop at the door of my room and kiss me goodnight
telling me she's my "other mother" (that's the villain in the story)
some freak that would have buttons for eyes and nails so sharp it can poke
my eye out..

bedlam..!

i got over it anyway..i didn't know that i fall asleep..

but i did and i got back to my usual self..

"cat's don't have names..." said the black cat.
"no..?" coraline replied.
"no. now YOU people have names. that's because you don't know who you are.
we know who we are, so we don't need names.." the cat said.

pagpapakamatay

2006-09-18T19:18:00.000+08:00

You scored as Suicide. Your death will be suicide. What more can I say? Fact: Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you want to know hwo you will commit suicide, take a look at your second highest percentage on the bar graphs.

Suicide

73%

Suffocated

60%

Gunshot

53%

Stabbed

53%

Disease

53%

Accident

47%

Drowning

47%

Posion

40%

Disappear

40%

Natural Causes

27%

Bomb

27%

Eaten

20%

Cut Throat

13%

How Will You Die??
created with QuizFarm.com

i have a very high tendency to commit suicide..

i didn't know that..? i just took the test..
i really didn't think of my self as the "suicidal" type..?
or am i wrong..?

i wonder...

tactless

2006-09-13T18:28:00.000+08:00

i have been always open about my life.
the only thing is, i don't mess
the people involve within it. normaly when
i have a particular problem about a friend
i consult another friend that doesn't
know or doesn't have any relation to
the person in question..

maybe i'm afraid of confrontations...
misconceptions..
consequences...

so when i have a problem with a friend
round my place, i seek advice from
another friend...

...from another place...

...(sigh)...

there is something going on between me
and a friend of mine...

i haven't told anyone anything from
the group that we share...

(ok i have told one of them
but that person already knows "the story"
long before i've told him...because "he"
(the one i have a problem with)
told "him" (the person i told)
already "in not so many words"..)

until last night when tragedy struck..

i know he won't tell no one about it
and neither did i, but a "friend" claims
she got the scoop about us directly from
me...!

me! who haven't told nobody else..!

i know he (person i told too) won't
open his mouth..

he's far to respectful of things...
he ows me, big time...

the friend i have a problem with
won't tell a soul too because
he hates this things more than i do..

doesn't make any sense eh..?

i felt numb...
cold...
...

she's a bit tactless...
(scoop girl)
i can't afford the possibilities...
i just can't...

if word spreads, it would appear like
i'm some fustrated bitch or something..?
i don't want for him, or them
to think of me that way...

(if you happen to know me personally,
dear reader, you would know what i mean...)

i'm just not the type...

....(Sigh)....

if i go talk to him, whould i appear to be
so defensive..?

guilty..?

on the other hand if i don't, what would
he think of me? gossiping around...?
some cheap girl i don't really appear to be?

i really hate this things...
i makes my head hurt and i can't think straight..

...crap...

the foolish traveler

2006-09-12T14:42:00.000+08:00

all three of my best friends and i love to watch anime...

best jin - anime that has "power" stuff.intelligent plot;
not necessarily"action" oriented..

best arik - watch all stuff that's made
unto anime/animation excluding "love stories"..

best mai - anything that strucks her fancy..
love stories, action..she loves those specialythe "guys"...

one of these anime of hers in called
"fruit's basket"

...a family (mostly guys) cursed with the zodiac. if one is born on the
year of the cat (for example, a guy) and an opposite sex (girl)
hugs him, he turns into a cat..

...fur and all...

i watched an episode once and liked it..
that episode has this story told byone of the
charcters that turns into a hare...

i hope i recounted it correctly as i understand it..

"the foolish traveler"
once upon a time there is a traveler
who traveled all his life. one day he came upon a village,
he came up on one of the villagers who saw nothing but
the traveler's wealth. the villager then took advantage
of the traveler; he told him that he was so poor and in
need of shoes. the traveler took pity on him and give him his shoes.
another villager, saw the exchange, came up the
traveler too and told him that her daughter is dying.
the traveler gave her his gold. as he walked around town,
more and more people approch him for help,
not noticing the murmurs they pass each other,

"what a foolish traveler. he didn't notice that everybody is tricking him."

until he suddenly noticed all his money and clothes
are gone including the ones he's wearing. abate with shame for not
wearing anything, the traveler has gone to the woods. as he travels
deeper he encountered some forest beast. one of them told him that
he's been starving for days. the traveler, out of pity, gave him
one of his legs. as he go deeper still, he encounters more forest beast,
losing a toe, or another until all he has left is his head and he
encounters another one.

"mr. traveler please, i'm so hungry, give me your left eye."
one of the beast said."here, take it."
as the traveler gave the beast his left eye and watch with his right
how the beast chew it, the beast gave him a piece of paper as he walked
pass him laughing saying "thanks".. written on the paper is the word

"fool"

upon reading, the traveler wept and laugh...

"thank you. thank you." he kept on saying.
"this is the first time i have ever received a gift from another!
thank you. thank you. this has made me so happy!" he said.
it was then told that the traveler died that way.
in tears with a smile on his face..

....as the story ends, the character (hare guy) asked this
question and left this words to his cusins whom he recounted
the story too..and i'll ask you the same...

is the traveler a fool as people see him?
or he's just another soul in search of another?

sometimes we tend to over look the things we
see, hear and feel...and judge another for doing the things they do
that we simply couln't..
and we just wouldn't understand..

for me, that traveler was never a fool. it's never foolish to do the things that
ones heart desires and if in that action one shows
pupose and fulfillment in life and makes him happy
then i envy him for i never had the courage to do the same in mine.

is the traveler a fool?
or should i change the title of the story...?

chika

2006-09-08T11:56:00.000+08:00

i have a good friend..

he's funny..
he loves things..
we're close..

i think he's about to court another friend..
she's nice..ayaw ko ng gulo sa tropahan..

i have a theory about him.. were good friends so i told him my theory..
his life..
his views..
his actions..

"uy!unli.ka mamaya may chiak ako sau.."
"cge!"

that's it..
i told him my theory..
i think he just realized it too..

sabi nia na"enlighten" daw cya sa sinabi ko..
tama daw ako..anak ng pitong kuba! d ko sadyang i'tap ung sarili niya!
hula lang ung tingin ko tama!

gumawa ata ako ng gulo ng hindi sinasadya..

because of what i've said, i gave him a relatively new way of seeing himself..

his actions..
his decisions..
his life..

i killed another girl's dream..
gusto ko lang tumulong para makaiwas sa gulo..
i've broken a heart...

...she does didn't know it yet...

slash

2006-09-08T11:44:00.000+08:00

ida sent me a sms saying that faust is in trouble..
i didn't know how far that was until i saw the "slash"

"yehn hind to rhetorical..mananakit ako.."
faust said..

"yehn d ko cya makita.."
ida's sms said..

1..2..3 hours later..

"ahhhhh!" my sms tone ringed..

"nakita ko na cya..punta kame dyan.."
ida's new sms said..

"cge"
i told them the directions to my place..

an hour later they arrived..

ida is carrying a bag of cookies and a liter of fresh milk..
faust standing behind her..

i stood stuck still..
i screamed..
i cried..

faust chopped his hair off..

the mircle of lasagna!

2006-09-06T19:52:00.000+08:00

my own vesion of spinach lasagna!

(makes two 8x8 inch. round pan
each pan good for 5-6 sevings!)

ingredients:

1 can delmonte spinach in water
drained, the extra water squeezed out
set aside.
1/2 kilo ground pork
9 pieces lasagana sheets
cooked per package directions
cut in half set aside.
2 pouches spaghetti sauce
1 can delmonte spaghetti-meat sauce
5 pieces eggs
2 cups grated cheese, set aside seperately
1 mid.onion, sliced
4 gloves garlic, crushed
2 table spoons oil
dried basil leaves
dried rosemary
salt and peper to taste

procedure:

saute garlic and onion in oil
put in a dash of rosemary and basil
add the pork, salt and peper to taste.
cook, set aside in a bowl..
in another bowlbeat the eggs, add the spinach
1 cup of the cheese, a dash of salt
and peper to taste then mixed them together..
mixed together the spaghetti souces in a bowl..
coat the base of the pan with the sauce,
place the lasagna sheet (approx.3 sheets)
put half of the spinach mixture, top with
another set of the lasagna, then the sauce,
half of the pork mixture and again the lasagna.
cover the top with suace and half cup of the grated cheese.
repeat the procedure to the other pan.
place in the oven, uncovered for about 30 mins.

cause and effect II

2006-09-06T19:49:00.001+08:00

we got our caramel frap.from the barista at starbucks..
(nilibre kame ni faust! yeah!)
talked a little..
planned on going to my place the next time.
we got up, decided to go home then tragedy struck..

"so sa wed.nlng s bhay?"

"oo"

"cge sama ako..!"

"cge!oi!umaambon ba?"

"oo nga.."

the rain fell faster, we have a little umbrella to
cover us three. the umbrella collapsed..
we ran back at convergy's..

"kasalanan ko to..galit saken ang langit"

"adik ka ba?" i took out my oxygen supply..

"i didn't know you..nafustrate ka dahil saken..sori."

"wala ka kinalaman dito ano ka ba? ida d ka pa uuwi?"

ida is laughing the whole time.

"hindi antayin kita umuwi."

"naufustrate ka..huhuhu.." faust cried..

"adik.. d nga kulet mu ah..?"

we stared at the rain for some time.
the cars on the parking lot, come and go..

"potek ang mga naka kotse! potek!"

"nagagalit ang langit saken..nafustrate ka..
i'm causing great destruction."
faust keep on saying..

"di nga..saya kaya nung kanina?
d ikaw k? gusto ku lng umuwi kc si mama medjo out of sorts..
yaw mu nun?atleast nature is aknowledging you.."

he stopped whinning..gone silent..ida and i talked..

we waited..
5..10..15..20 mins.
the rain slowed..

mircle of the fx taxi!

"uwi na tlga ako.."
"adik ka magastos yan!" ida said.
"ah basta!sa wed.lang..see you! thanks!"

i got in..got home after about eternity..
the traffic is in humanely possible..
nevertheless i got home..
cold..
i should have take that coffee drip instead..
oh well libre siya kaya i'm thankful..

cause and effect I

2006-09-06T19:46:00.000+08:00

last monday i've gone to my friend's place
(faust) just to see him. he said that ida
and kuya dy will be coming over to play cards
so i might as well come, crash in although i don't
play cards.

i got there first. i raided his books in search
of new stuff to borrow when ida came in along
with a jug o melon-milk
(yes the fresh milk that is incidentaly colored orange)
and a batch of cookies.

we talked..
laughed..
exchange intimate facts about each other..
(we end up playing that card game in which
a player ask this questions in the card and the
others must answer)
and then they played that game..

VAMPIRE

whatever!?! wala ako alam dun kya un..

after a min.or two i begun sketching at faust's
sketch pad.
i got bored..
kuya dy didn't came...
i wrote faust a letter and post if in his tag board
just above his bedspace along the side of rai's
grad.letter to him...

i took some pictures..
i looked at some too..
i stopped moving..
breathing..

after 3 hours (of hearing them playing,
tutoring each other, saying stuff i don't see
in my vocabulary..ok i can see it in mine but that's
beside the point..!d ako nag lalaro!)
they finished "the game"...

i find my self breathing again..

*TADUM-TADUM*

they talked some more..
issues..
problems..
my mind wonder..

"5 na uwi na tayo"

"ok sige, jere ung kwento ko un na.."

"lakad tayo! punta kila dy!"

"ha?!layo!"

"starbucks?!?"

"cge!!"

"anything to detain yehn!"

we walked the "walked" to the other gate..
the bridge..
convergys! at last!

hang me

2006-08-30T11:31:00.000+08:00

last night i stopped by a friend's place and he was watching this movie in japanese.
the movie is about this guy and his pain in the ass loud brother.
he was in his apartment when his "loud"brother came and complain about him
and the lifeless apartment of his. the guy has no t.v, radio or any form of
electronic "entertainment" device.

the brother whined.
the other just stared.

the walls are lined with books.
almost every part of the house is filled with it.
the "loud" brother complains about it.

the simplicity...
the silence...
his brother...

he stopped his whining, got his stuff and said he's going to take a bath.
he walked pass the dinning area and notice a rope dangling tied up in the ceiling.

"what?! you're not content living like a hermit
and now you want to commit suicide?! shees!" he was shaking his head
and slammed the bathroom door.

the other brother just stood there.

the camera then panned.
apparently, instead of a wall dividing the dinning area there stood in place a huge mirror.
reflected there is the same rope only this time the "quite" brother is tide dangling there by the neck.

dunno if it's a horror film or not but it's struck me
just how some people would do to achieve that state..
silence...

and how others can be so dense?

.......silence...
a heavy word eh?

chatterbox II

2006-08-23T11:43:00.000+08:00

naayos din sa wakas...!

pesteng chatter box..

buti nalang naka online din si lord faust...

hahaha...!!!

...haha...!

haay...

boplogs talaga...

chatterbox

2006-08-23T11:03:00.000+08:00

pesteng chatter box

hindi ko cya maconfigure sa sarili kong specs...!

asar..!

gutom lang ba ako???
puyat???

hindi...

tanga lang tlga ang chatter box...

haayy..

makikiusap na nga lang ako kay faust na ayusin to...

Anansi

2006-08-22T19:04:00.000+08:00

I’ve just finished a book now written by one of my favorite authors.

Gaiman…
Neil Gaiman…

It’s about this trickster god, the spider anansi who had a son.
The son, all his life thought he’s just an only child until the day
His father died and he learned about a brother he never knew who
In all aspects inherited their father’s “charms”…

Good book written by literature’s rockstar…

Anansi

Anansi owns all the stories.
The great creator made tiger the owner of all the stories
But anansi stole it from him…

Anansi the trickster god.
Never evil, never good, never lying at most telling only truths…

Anansi…

3 pm (aug.22, 2006)

I got home today and my computer
(newly formatted mind you because of that pesky brontok virus)
is infected by this very, very “nice” file…

new malware.j “tojan”

now how did that happened?

Anansi…

“ma nag computer ka?”

“hindi baket?”

“bagong format na kasi to my virus nanaman.”

“naku walang nagko’computer dyan simula umalis ka! Wag kang mambintang!”

Anansi…

6 pm (aug.22, 2006)

“kat?”

“ante?”

(kat is my 12 yrs.old niece)

“may nag’computer ba nung wala ako?”

“si mommy ante, baket?”

(mommy is what all my nieces and nephews call my mother since she doesn’t want to be called “lola” says it makes her sound “old”..)

“wala naman, sige”

Anansi…

7 pm (aug.22, 2006)

“ma? hnd ka ba tlga nag’computer?”

“hindi nga! naku bahala ka na nga dyan at ang kulet mo.”

…
...
...

could this be true..?

it's a hard town

2006-08-17T10:37:00.000+08:00

how often do you hear this words...?

many of us just turn to overlook the things that stare at us right in the face.

but it's true isn't it?

we tend to see it all but just to crate this illusion
that everything is fine and all will fall into place somehow...

but who do we lie here?

"it really is a hard town but we do every thing to get by..."

do we really?
i mean do everything in our power?

i was out this morning.

my sister turn up our house, she's going to take my nephew to school and stopped by our place just to show off my nephew to our mother. we're at the front of our house waiting for her husband to turn their car around when a guy in a motor cycle stopped in front of us and said,

"may krimen dyan kagi 'lam niyo bang magkapatid?"

"ha?" my sister replied "sino naman yan asi?"

asi is the guy that stopped at us...

"si kalbo dyan sa baba... hirap ng buhay kasi dito saten e...tsk.tsk.." he was shaking his head.

"ano ginawa?"

"tumalon sa isdaan..tsk..tsk.. kya ako gusto ko na umalis dito e..."

apparently the guy owns a bit of a pond and he jumped in it in hopes of suicide but since the pond is just waist high he just got a fractured arm...

it's a bit funny isn't it?

jumping on a pond when you knew it to well..?
that it won't kill you...that it's not too deep..?

the specs.are not enough...

strange how the mind works sometimes when you're on the edge...

reason just vanishes,
isn't it...?

it is a hard town...

...but we try to get by.

stroke

2006-08-14T12:22:00.000+08:00

sa d ko malamng dahilan ay ngyari
yan sa isa sa aking mga kaibigan..
naistroke saken

nahiya...

baket??
ewan?! ang alam ko lang din ay nagsimula yon ng
manghingi siya sa akin ng isang malupit na advice...

naisip ku tuloy..dapat pa ba ako magbigay ng advice???

sabi ng frend kong c faust maayos nga daw ako mag advice e?

bakit kya cya nastroke..?

a friend

2006-08-03T11:00:00.000+08:00

"when you talk to a person you don't like,
and smile at him/her in a manner that of
a friend, it does not necessarily mean that
you consider that him/her one...right??"

"we don't have to like each other to be
able to live together; we just have to be
civilized.."
--kris aquino

yan ang bukod tanging qoute na binitiwan
ni kris aquino na hinangaan ko. nang sinabi
nya ang mga katagang yan mabawasan ng
kaunti ang dating ng pagkahypocrite nya saken.

sa totoo lang, basihan ba talga ng
pagkakibigan ang pagkausap sa isang d
kilala? o kung kilala man??? naitanong ko
to sapagkat yan ang sinasabi ng isang kaibigan
ko. ayon kay "good friend" e pag nginitian mo
daw ang isang kakilala at kinausap ng magaan
ay tinuturing mo na siyang higit sa kakilala..
isa nang kabatian.

ganun ba talaga yon? pano ngyari ang bagay na yon?

sa aking paniniwala ay iba. sa aking paaralan
marame akong studyanteng kilala kahit
sa ibang lugar meron din..mga tao sa paligid.
oo, kilala pero...

hindi kaibigan..?

ano nga ba ang depinisyon nito??