shed

i can't remember when i last gazed at it..

the eternal sky..

come to think of it, i never really looked at it at all..

when i was a kid, i have this notion that beyond the sky
is the land of heaven, so i really wanted to fly..
i wanted to fly even if its just on an airplane
anything just to take me closer to the sky.
after sometime i forgot all about my childish dream.

i have ridden a number of commercial planes,
and have seated near the window countless of times
but i don't remember gazing out of it. even now,
i don't seem that i can really describe it. the sky.

yesterday, i was walking from an errand that my
mother asked of me when it started to rain.
my house is still a few blocks away so i took shelter
at a nearby shed.

i dunno what happened but the steady down pour
reminded me of that dream. i reached my hand out
and felt the rain on the tip on my fingers
as i looked at it a bit dazed. i was the only
one standing in that lone street, not a moving
life in sight; all i can see are those looming houses
and the pouring rain.

it occurred to me then that i have never really
"seen" the rain too and how it resembles a miracle more
than anything; for the rain connects the earth from
the eternal sky.

i have thought then how beautiful it seems
and it got me to look again to the sky.
my breath got stuck in my throat as i look up.
it's like i'm in a time still movie of my life.
i felt my body transform my self to that
naive girl that once have the dream of flying.
i was once again looking at the sky.

the feeling of lightheartedness and the feeling
of hope and dreams..

when did i stop feeling this way?

i was mesmerized.

i felt i've spent an entire life time at that moment
when it could have lasted but just a few minutes.

as i looked down at my hand, i felt my self grow
once more. i'm once again my self today.

i was saddened.

i have never felt this cold in my entire life.

i felt like crying at that moment.

i kept on thinking how much i have changed and
how much of this changes in me i have never really
needed or wanted.

as i was walking back to our house i thought of how
i wanted to go back to that time and that feeling.

but i know can't.

as much as i wish for it, even that moment, i know
it cannot happen again; much as the rain ceases to pour
to but a fleeting memory of that day.

i know that i will never feel the same way.

that girl i once knew was left standing by her self
on that shed gazing up on the eternal sky waiting
again for the miracle rain.