irony and a blister...

ironic isn't it..once you step inside the halls of a company
to apply for a position you'll begin to notice stuff..

i was sitting in on of the many chairs in a waiting area
inside a i-will-not-name-company when another applicant
comes in with a man or a woman or both. the applicant
stands on the side line while the man or woman she/he's with
would shake hands with the company's current employees
(usually the HR present) stating this words (well more or less)

"hello how are you?! *insert award winning grin here*
this is *insert the by stander/applicant name*
my *insert relationship*. i trust you to take care of
her/him *insert another award winner smile/grin here*."

so basically just from that you can already tell whose gonna make
it or not. it sucks but you just cant help it. so you'll just smile in resignation
all in all. even if you don't succumb right away after a minute or two
you'll eventually give in anyway.

thats life.

it sucks..


i was walking home after that contemplating how much i spent that
day. thinking i should have spent it on food or anything more worth while
rather than transportation fare but it cannot be helped anymore.

its done.

and it doesn't at all help that i was sporting a blister on my left foot
because of the shoes i'm wearing. when i got home and change, i
sat at my bed and looked at the said blister and i thought i saw it
sneer and begun to taunt me. .!

its like saying something along the lines of
"ha! see! its fruitless you should have stayed
here in the first place. *insert sinister laughter here
in a form of throbbing pain* it was never ment
for you and now you have me here. *throb*
and i'm here to remind you of it! *throb throb* "

i poked my blister then with my finger..

it hurt like hell.

i laid back on my bed and looked at the ceiling to
ask my self and anybody out there that hears what the hell
happened to my life..? i mean i thought, no scratch that,
i know my capabilities and my weakness and all the other
shit so why am i experiencing this right now?

am i really incompetent?

are my past perception of my self and my
accomplishments all a lie?

is this really happing to me???

no further use there with that blister pain

this is REALLY happening..

*sigh*


can i just sleep for a hundred years and not age?
i mean just sleep and then wake up after to find myself in a
science lab not remembering anything but sleeping soundly..?
how i wish...

broke

yeah..that's my state now..

i'm broke..

i don't have even a single penny in my name and
for the love of god, sure as fire wouldn't know
what to do if something comes up..
i mean, i'm really in serious trouble..

i couldn't ask nor take the little money my parents
have. they need it more than i do. i don't know
if god/fate/destiny is punishing me now. putting me in
this kind of situation. maybe haven't been good enough?
maybe i pissed them off big time.

*sigh*

"some people don't know what they have
until they lost it.."

i always knew what i have..
i just didn't think i'd lose it.
i've been bummed..


i'm still looking for a job and really, i am really trying
but i can't seem to find even one..

*sigh*

in my situation now, i think i'll take any job offered
out there as long as it is decent. i dunno what them
employers see in me. when i sit for the final interview
for some unknown bizarre reason they always reject me.

why won't they give me a chance?! i mean i'm not a snotty
person..? i learn quickly and am very willing to learn..?
i'm not even bitter to criticisms so why not me..?

i'm tired..

i really am tired..

i'm not the kind of person that gives up easily but
anyone would tire out eventually. i am forced/back-up
in this situation that i can't comprehend into.

i have a family to feed. my parents, they don't have
anybody else to support them. all they have is me.

i can't think no more.
i want to stop but i can't.

i don't normally admit weakness.
i don't even normally ask for help
from anybody or anyone for that matter but this time,
even just for this time only, i just wanted to say
these things..

i want to breathe.
i need help.

somebody..