aging

this past few days i find my self thinking alot...

i'm turning 21 this week and i haven't really done much
in my life..

i sometimes wonder about other people
at the same age as me and yet making a whole
difference..

it's really getting into me and it really makes me
sad and at the same time thoughtful.

i thought, "hey..! i'll make my life worthwhile
starting on my birthday..! i promise!" but then i got
a little of beat again just thinking how to start it..?

a while back, a friend told me a that i sometimes forgot
things and i don't keep up with my promises..
more things said than done..
and it really got me coz it's kinda true..

i can change this..i have to..
so that when it comes to it, i'll have lesser things
to contemplate on and regretting about..

..how can i keep promises and do things for others
if i can't make a promise and do things for my self..?

i'll just have to do it then..

think..
change..

and maybe by the end of the day, i can find my self
smiling on the promises i've kept and the things i have done..
and laugh with that friend who pointed that out..

country style doughnuts

god i just really want to tell this out..

yesterday i was out w/ my mom and dad at the mall..

my dad and i aren't it good terms lately,
(haven't spoke to him for the past week or so)
so yesterday's affair is a bit of a pain in my part..

i don't know why but we never, EVER, get along..?

anyway we we're at the mall and my mom decided to
print a couple of pictures from her hand phone. so she
asked dad to go w/ her.. seeing this as an opportunity
to fall back even for a bit, i told mom that i'll just wait
for them at the nearby coffee/doughnut shop..

and then there he was..!!!

this cute attendee..!!

he was so cute mind you and when i approached,
he shooded the girl at the counter and
flashed this "smile" at me..

(look girls, you know what i'm talking about here..
guys don't know this but we know when they send
signals to us and call me a bit of a "feel" here
but that cute guy is totally doing that..!)

he started flirting a bit and i was like "whoa!"
cute guy 12 o'clock!!! i was about to flirt back when i
notice dad looking my way..
(the photo shop is just approx.5 meters so i know)
so i glanced at him, guess what happened..

yeah!! he approached me!! i was like, at the back of my
mind, "don't don't"..!

as he was walking towards me i had this flash..
it was like the scenery started to change..every step he took,
the color from behind vanishes..
i felt like a dozen black cats suddenly jumped and
swarm past me..!
i felt the wind blow a chill and i heard the crowing of crows..

an ominous sign..!

i called upon all that is holy and good but it didn't work out..
my father continue to walk towards me, sat himself
at the nearest table and looked at the photo shop from there..!

i had no choice..
i resumed my "passive mask"..

the attendee continued to flirt for a bit but,
seeing my demeanor is like the signal we girls give to guys
when we don't want it..he waver for a bit..

i got my order and sat on the same table
(i was being civil w/ my own father)
and the guy continued to glance my way..
i averted my gaze to the other side but at the back of
my mind i'm really shouting "ahhh..!!!"

i really wanted to flirt back..
i really do..
you know, flirt in a way that doesn't give the impression
that "i'm a b****"..
i just want to give a bit of his signal back..

but i can't because it would present another
argument to my father..

haay..
*sigh*

he was so hot though..='(
i mean H-O-T-T..!

i mean really..!
(talgang talaga..!)
[hunto..!]

he was so damn cute and hot..

"ahhh!!!"
*cry*

what a waste..

incubus (by heart)

there is no one out there that can beat this guys in my heart..
(wala tlga tatalo..as in..)

every time i hear their song[s]..it's like, i'm transported to an alternate world.. everything turns good, great and even peaceful and i really don't know why..?

honestly, incubus's music is like a vitamin to me mind you, i don't just idolized a single member of the band (e.g. brandon or mike, etc..) i really admire and follow them all..!

really..!
(talaga..!)
[huntoni..!]

i atleast play a song or two by them everyday
or sometimes i view my photo collection of them
and it's like..

it really makes my day you know..

i love other bands and everytype of music..
anything that stucks me and caughts my
fancy but only incubus makes me all..

you know, AHHHHHH..!!
*shouting*

is that even possible..?

when i'm down and f***ed up
or just feeling plain crap, i listen to one of their
albums [anything at all by them] and then

BAM!!!

my problems just fly by the window and
i'm back to my old self..

i really want to grow old with them..

i mean, you know, see more of them as the years goes by..?
i hope that they stay stronger together..

i remember that when they changed their bass player, i thought:

"could this be it..?"...

i was so happy that they are still here..
that they have survived that phase in their life [because they've been friends since time immemorial and i thought they'd never leave each other].

i've been a big fan since i was in my sophomore high.

back then, in our place, no body knows them that much..

i remember baffling another senior [you know years grad.
before me] that a 14 year old knows about their music
[incubus] and it didn't escape him that i was a girl..

[because in our place its really rare that a person on that

age (14) knows something about this.)

i mean the moment i first heard "pardon me"..

i knew i was "pardoned"..

i just knew..

it' s just like when i was little and my older sister used to sing
neil young's "after the gold rush" to me telling me
how she knew that he's "the" one that she'll follow forever..

it's like how i used to watch my my older cousin play his e.guitar
endlessly on his spare time and worship the band "queen"
above all else up till now..
(my cousin, by the way, ended up in a band and he's
considered one of that "seniors" in the industry
now-a-days..^^, [proud cousin here..here!^^,])

i knew..

i found "that" thing they are describing me..

*sigh*

i really love incubus..!^^,

(i don't own the logo above, as well as the

picture w/ the original bass player, dirk lance

it's own by incubusriver.cjb.net

so i acknowlede the person/persons that scanned it.

thank you very much [salamat]..)